[Excerpt from Case #2 of my Cruise-phobia series]
...99.99% of the people who step aboard a boat experience instant euphoria, particularly when they realize they're honored guests on a floating luxury hotel. Yet, a few individuals experience Wild, All-Night Party Distress. This is often accompanied by mood-heightening romantic urges, an unusual thirst for intoxicating tropical drinks and a renewed appreciation for the music of The Village People, Kool and the Gang and Donna Summer. This can lead to increased body temperate and a condition called “dance fever.” If she decided to join the cruise, we advised our patient to just take a minute during the onboard merriment and attempt to fit in. We recommended she energetically demonstrate those instinctive moves in all of us – The Bump, The Funky Chicken, The Hustle and even throw in some twerking, if she was so inclined. Then, after her sensational cameo as the life of the party, we ensured her that she could slip away stealthily by simply employing the Electric Slide. Once gracefully gone from the mosh pit, we explained how she might relax and enjoy a breezy stroll on the promenade away from the maddening crowd.